it still hurts.. and I still love him…

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I haven’t been on here for a long while and probably won’t be. But just seeing everything I've posted brought back some feelings I don’t want to feel. It just made me sad. It’s gotten somewhat better but not everything. my depression came back right after I started school again. And at one point I was suicidal again and felt like I was not physically here and trapped in my head. It was the worst feeling ever. I was scared of what I could do to myself. I felt so alone and felt like I had no one. I ended up going to get help and so I’ve been seeing a therapist. It has gotten way better, they’ve helped me so much. I feel better but some days aren’t as good as others. All I know is that I’m trying, and that is enough for now. Depression is not an easy thing to deal with. When I was feeling suicidal back in September I told my family. I couldn’t keep it in. I’m so thankful for them and my friends that were there for me. This isn’t easy for me to talk about. it’s really hard. getting help is the first step to beating this illness. 

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How do people get over someone so fast after being with them for 3 damn years. And a matter of months they start talking to some other girl who eventually make their gf? They must’ve not loved the other person at all.
It still hurts. It will always hurt. Maybe because I actually did love him and somehow still can’t get over him sigh. How do I still love him when he treated me so shitty😔 he chose her over me… he chose some other girl.

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I feel so stupid. Everything was a lie. A fucking god damn lie.

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Who the fuck are you? I don’t even recognize you. You’ve become such a fucking snake. Played me twice. I’ll never be your princess leia. And you’re definitely not my han solo. You two deserve each other. Both snakes. I regret the day I met you.

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I have so much anxiety thinking about you two. I just wished it was us in the end. That’s all I wanted. All of ever wanted was you, sigh.you were my best friend.

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Sigh

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I see you got back with that girl. Ha. Sure it wasn’t going to work out but whatever I need to move on. That letter you wrote me was total bullshit.

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